You never once complained when you knew that we would have nothing. You were contempt on having only what little you needed. Where others would have left or moaned, you never once let out a sigh. You understood that what was written was what we would eat. I never once complained abut what was put in front of me as I knew it was your hands that brought it to me. When I had nothing I had you. You put your trust in your Rabb (Lord) and in turn you followed me.
Never did I have to wonder about you as my secrets, my honor and my deen were safe with you. We both know what hardships you faced just by being with me, but not a word did you speak. You were strong and in turn made me strong. Like a vanguard for this Ummah, you concealed yourself. Where others would rush to please their desires, you were the essence of taqwaa (piety).
Life was easy with you and it came so naturally. You were the extension of me and I would never need to finish my words, as who knew me better than you? You knew your place which was by my side. It is the little things that make the person and you would easily have kept me going for a lifetime. The way you would look at me with fire in your eyes showed me that I was the only one for you. You stole my heart and hid it away.
I loved your jealousy and I loved to tease you with the thought of others just so I could know how dear I was to you.
What chance did shaytaan have when you would ensure that fajr was the easiest of the salaahs. I loved that you would forsake me in an instant to fast a voluntary fast. I loved that the haqq (truth) was dearer to you than my life and those of our jewels.
Watching you makes me laugh as I wonder if my heart will ever want another as I see you feed my child, as you lift her out if the bath, as you wipe her little nose and the face she pulls. You will never find a diamond in the hands of another in the same way our diamond deserves to be carried in your hands. We could have it all my love, but who sells paradise for an hour of passing pleasure? No us.
For you Umm ****** the loyalties of my babies are. They will love what we love, they will love Allaah, The Most Glorified, The Most High. They will love those who they have never met but will long to meet. They will love them better than us. They will love the prophets and the best of Companions. They will live to honor one statement. Laa ilaaha ill-Allaahu Muhammad ar-rasool Allaah. Others will fall under the weight of it but not them. Their hearts will beat it, their words testify to it and their hands carry it.
Don’t think I left you. Don’t think that in this world anything is dearer to me than the minute that I walk home knowing what waits for me behind closed doors.
I went to find a better place for us. I went to fulfill the best of deals. I saw it written that if you give your life, eternity would be ours. I saw it written somewhere that this was all a test and I have no doubt that the one who promises us and whose Word is the Truth must Love me very much as he gave me you and you were the hardest thing to give up.
They say that the mind cannot comprehend what awaits us, that sadness will be forgotten, and they say that the eye has yet to see and the ear has yet to hear the beauty that awaits us in our new home. They say rivers of honey my love, they say rivers of milk and wine. They say pearls and gold thrones, they say musk and cool breezes.
Is it not fitting that I go to see this land afar to take you and our children?
I fear that the gates of opportunity will close behind me my love. I fear others will hear what I hear and rush there and I will have nothing to offer to you. I know you will send our sons to look for their father.
Tell them that they will find me in every battle, in every fight where the black flag is flown. Tell them that the pain will be a pinch and then they will see what I see, they will see the beautiful birds that come to meet them. Tell them the Angels will call them by the best of names and most of all that Allaah The One, The Eternal will be pleased with them.
I told you once that only two things will have me, you and death. My life was with you but now I must marry again. I must marry what was promised to me the moment I was born, I must marry my fate and in turn I must marry death. After death will come reckoning and if I stand with the best of creation, with the permission of Allaah, The Lord of the heavens and the earth, I will beg for you.
None was worthy enough to stand next to me in this life so why is it that I should desire another in the next?”