Thursday, July 07, 2011

The Verbal Wound.

There  was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails & told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. 

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered dail
y gradually dwindled down.

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say , 
I’m sorry, the wound will be still there.

Lesson to be learned: A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one and sometimes more deadly than the latter one.

A note for elders: Parents need to know that their words to their children have powerful, deep and long-lasting effects. 
Children suffer in innumerable ways when they are subjected to a steady (or even occasional) diet of criticism. Stephanie Marston writes the Magic of Encouragement about a study from the University of Calgary which "shows that verbal abuse is even more likely than physical abuse to damage children's self-esteem." Criticism hurts children in profound psychological ways.

Unfortunately, many parents are not aware of the intense damage they do when they humiliate, put down, judge, belittle, ridicule, or criticize their children. Their intentions, although misguided, are for the best to motivate their children into doing better.

However, when parents criticize, it has the opposite effect; it actually demotivates and discourages their children. Criticism actually squashes any feelings children have of trying something new, and results in them feeling alienated from their parents. Criticized children end up feeling angry, worthless, unloved and undeserving, and their self-esteem drops. Around and around it goes. It's a vicious circle that parents keep alive with their continual hurtful criticism.

A point of view: Sometimes when a husband angers his wife, the pain she feels might make her forget all the good times of the past. She might even say “You have NEVER been good to me!” All the walks on the beach, the presents, the kind words, the times they enjoyed in the past are all forgotten…so dear husbands be careful and cautious  with your tongues.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

good start


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