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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

21 F's for a Happy Marriage
















1. Faith:
The most basic and essential attribute of a Muslim marriage is the common faith that binds the couple.

2. Forgiving:
When the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) asked his Companions 'do you wish that Allah should forgive you' they said, of course O Prophet of Allah. He responded, 'then forgive each other'.

3. Forget:
Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations.


4. Forbearance:
Sabr (patience) is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a pro-active frame of mind it brings us closer to Allah through Tawakul (trust) and reliance

5. Flexible:
Many couples un-necessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little.

6. Friendship:

First is to develop a friendship with our spouses. The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures.

We honor, trust, respect, accept and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages.

7. Friendly:
Second aspect of friendship is to have friendly relations with in-laws. When couples compete as to whose parents are more important it becomes a constant source of grief.

8. Friends:
The third aspect of friendship is our circle of friends. It is okay to have individual friends of the same gender but couples must also make effort to have family friends so that they can socialize together.

9. Fun:
Couples that do not laugh together have to work on sharing some fun times. The Prophet (SAW) was known to play with his wives.

10. Faithful:
It is commanded by Allah that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a capital crime in Islam that is punishable by death

11. Fair:
Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is okay to be unjust in our behavior and our statements.

10. Finance:
One of the most common points of contention in marriages is money. Experts tell us that 80 percent of marital conflicts are about money.

It is therefore highly recommended that the couple put serious time and effort in developing a financial management plan that is mutually agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so.

11. Family:
Parenting can be a stressful experience if the parents are not well informed. This in turn can put extra pressure on the marriage.

12. Feelings:
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) stated that Allah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others i.e. hurt their feelings unless the person we have hurt forgives first.

13. Freedom:
Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. To consider the wife one's property is alien to Islamic concept of husband and wife role. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves

14. Flirtation:
A sure way to keep romance in marriage is to flirt (only) with your spouse.

15. Frank:
Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. Marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other's feeling, without compromising their own views.

16. Facilitator:
When choosing our life partner, we must, as the Prophet (SAW) advised, look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that their first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah.

17. Flattering:
Paying compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouse's heart. Everyone likes to be appreciated and noticed.

18. Fulfilling:
To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. To be in love means to give one's all. The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations.

19. Fallible:
It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose focus of the fact that we are fallible (not perfect/make mistakes) beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allah is perfect.

20. Fondness:
So many times couples fail to work on developing fondness for each other by [failing] to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. Spending quality time alone doing and sharing activities are ways in which one can develop fondness.

21. Future:
Smart couples plan for their future together. They work on their financial and retirement plans, make wills and discuss these plans with their children. This provides peace of mind and secures the relationship.

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